I'm Back And Better Than Ever! An Update And A Return Message!

Hello, my dear readers and followers!

I am very excited to announce that I have made the decision to return to writing Midnight Candle. There has been a void in my heart without it. I know I last posted many months ago, but I hope some of you will at least will return and maybe some new folks will join us, too. I think I left due to needing to expand my own personal spirituality before I could feel obligated to write more. And yes, this I have achieved.

There's a new twist to my spiritual story. I am now practicing as a Shamanic Witch, and indeed, I have found my first in-person group to celebrate, learn from, and explore with. My group meets in my local Pagan store (that will be in another post) and we all come together for drum circles once a month under the enchanted light of the full moon. There is nothing like the serenity that comes to my spirit when we pass our burning sage around. It's almost as if the serenity is an ingredient in such a peace-giving plant. I am extremely happy to be a part of a very small, yet loyal spiritual group. Our group is still in dire need to extend its members, but anyone is always welcome as they should be.

During the several months I was gone, I took it upon myself to continue using my Oracle cards. I picked up on learning more about herbalism. Finally, I've started to make loose leaf tea blends to accompany my growth. I have fallen in love with Mugwort's profound ability to enhance my dreams. That I can explain more in detail later! Spiritually speaking, I've evolved. With that evolving process, I have the capability to bring you more interesting content, inspiration, and things to learn. I hope you can join me in this spiritual evolution and use my fuel as inspiration to evolve your own practices and beliefs.

Also, I have evolved emotionally and academically. I've been struggling with depression and OCD. That may have interfered with my writing of this blog. I've been back on antidepressants for several months and am feeling able to do things again. I also enrolled in my college's massage therapy program. I hope to use my passion for spirituality to incorporate into my future massage practice. When school comes around, life will get hectic again, but this time I feel I can persevere. This is just a brief update. I don't want to keep you long. To all my old and new followers, here is a big thank you. I've seen that this blog STILL gets pageviews on a weekly basis. Thank you, thank you, and thank you! :) I couldn't have been more blessed for that. I will be back with some interesting content!

One Month Later: Update

Hello, readers!

I took time off to truly ponder what this spiritual journey will hold in store for me if I do go out of my way to pursue a new path.

Several people have asked me if I've made any new posts. I feel sorry that I ran off, but I think I really just needed a break of obsessing over if my faith is true. I also feel that I definitely needed to cut the chains and let myself soar from the self guilt and pressure of meeting my audience's desire for me to write consistently. Being a college student, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a cousin, a niece, a guinea pig mother, a struggling writer, and a Pagan in questioning all at once is a hectic load to carry. We all carry this load of different roles we must commit to playing as. My mind was stuck in the role of being a Pagan in questioning at the time. It was straining my relationship with Eddie, the site's page designer and my boyfriend of eleven months. I realized that I couldn't allow myself to drown in the depression of questioning a deeper part of my being. I needed to start focusing more on the people and education in my life. So, I gave the pressure of being an amateur blogger up for quite a few weeks in hope to find some peace within myself. For the past few days now, I have felt an obligation to return. Here I am.

I'm sure I have made myself look like a fool to you all that are so kind and dear to come back to my blog. The amount of views I have received have startled me in a way. It means that 4,180 people in this world have seen my inner thoughts, feelings, and experiences since June of 2014. But, the conceiving of this blog isn't just entirely for me. The new route I plan to take my writing will hopefully spark the thinking process in others out there that are questioning if being a Pagan is right for them. Maybe this blog will help the parents of a newly-confessed Pagan teenager to understand that it is indeed going to be okay if their child worships multiple gods. Whatever may come next on this page, I hope that whoever is reading this right now has gained or learned something. This is my mission; to educate and help others to heal and accept that this path may be a part of who they are. If my blog hasn't done this for anyone, please tell me so I can remove it. Writing this for the benefit of no result would be a shame I'd carry on myself.

Now that I have an opened mind, I will begin to start reading more about other Pagan and witchcraft traditions to share with you. But, you may remember that there were many times where I'd speak vaguely of there being a traumatic reasoning for why I've struggled with Paganism so much. I need someone to hear me.

It has been kept confidential by me to protect the perpetrator. But, why should I conceal his actions when maybe someone is going through a similar problem with someone else? My story may be of good advice to someone else, maybe even you. After deep thought, I have made a decision.

I am going to release my story to you all.  It will help you to understand my thinking and writing about it can help me to better understand myself in this spiritual situation. If you'd like to see this story, come back to the next post once I publish it. Expect that to be sometime in the next few days.

In regards to my last post, I've changed my mind. I will make a new post once a week in order to balance out my focus for my college work.

Once again, I am sorry for disappearing selfishly. I just needed a recovery process from the pressure the blog put on me as a writer.

P.S. I will be creating a Midnight Candle Google+ Community page if anyone is interested. I do apologize wholeheartedly that my blog runs through Google--it just happened to be this way--but I have made a Facebook group for non-Google users that are interested. Also, expect the page design to look and maybe function different soon. The design is boring my eyes!  Thank you for reading!

Amazing Update & Breakthrough

I have returned with many new exciting twists, turns, and challenges.

But before I start, here's a belated Happy Yule and Happy New Year shout out to everyone reading this right now. Life got hectic in the holiday week for me; I fell down with a cold, I had to attend six different holiday parties, and I had to help my family and my boyfriend's family out with Christmas/Yule preparations. Now that the holidays have passed and I still have two days left before I return to my college studies, I have found the time now to share with you an important breakthrough I had encountered just yesterday and how this will change the blog. I promise you that Midnight Candle is about to get more interesting, because...

The content on this blog will no longer focus on Wicca or general Pagan beliefs. I have discovered that I am not a true Pagan. I've been more towards being a spiritual Witch, an idea I have considered pursuing before. While I run through the flames of trying to find something new and more suit for my beliefs at this time, I will begin to study these different paths:

1) Shamanism

2) Druidism

3) Athiest Paganism

4) Traditional Witchcraft (more in depth from 5-9)

5) Fey Witchcraft

6) Dianic Witchcraft

7) Hedge Witchcraft

8) Sabbatic Craft

9) Cochrane's Craft

10) Buddhism

I want to begin to explore a variety of faiths and magickal beliefs in order to start finding myself. I have been suffering with the concept of blind belief immensely due to my former involvement in a emotionally abusive relationship. I have done some long and  hard thinking about this, but I think I will share my relationship story with you all to better understand my current situation. I considered shutting the blog down and running as fast as I could from this, but if I write about my faith exploring journey, I can help myself while helping out people in the same type of situation. Therefore, I feel there is a purpose to keep posting my adventure in Paganism to the public eye.

In regards to the new material I plan on creating, a new schedule will be set. I will make two new posts in advance and they will be published in the same week.  So, expect to see two posts per week added to the site. Keep watching for new posts because it's about to get very interesting and eclectic here. Thank you for all of your time and patience with my ever-changing ideas. I appreciate you all. You have my life so much more exciting!  Please follow me on my blog social media profiles or please feel free to subscribe to Midnight Candle for future updates on new posts. Blessed Be, blessings, and cheers!

P.S. I'm about to hit my first 4,000 pageviews worldwide. Only one thousand more until I reach the milestone of 5,000 pageviews!

A Soaring Soul: My Story

Blessings to you all!

All I can say is...wow. Wow, wow, and wow again. As you see in the title, the time has come for some subtle changes I need to build up my spiritual path. Something very unexpected happened last night and I feel incredibly obligated to explain the experience, what I learned from it, and what it means for the near future of Midnight Candle.

As you are all well aware, I'm going through bucket loads of self doubt and anxiety when it comes to involving some Wiccan concepts on my spiritual journey. I am questioning if I believe in any deities at all, if magick exists, and practically if I should just "convert" to Athiesm from Paganism. Science has convinced me that it entirely disproves every spiritual idea, philosophy, and hell, even some quantum science theories!

Last night, I searched up some basic information on Druidism and Shamanism. As I read, I sensed that my interest in Pagan religion has been indeed genuine. I'll explain that part later. After reading, I laid myself down to sleep, but I began to deeply ponder.

For those people that can't practice where they live, outside Pagans will advise them to respect their roommate's wishes and not practice in the home. Instead, the outside Pagans tell the spiritually trapped Pagan to continue to learn and grow until they can practice in a place of their own. I realized that I shouldn't be paranoid about what I believe in during the present moment. I realized that it shouldn't matter if I am struggling with deity worship. I realized that I shouldn't automatically think one friend from my past influenced me into Paganism. I realized that my mom thinking Paganism is my hobby should no longer matter. I suddenly realized that it's okay if I'm questioning some aspects of my current path. I suddenly realized that that friend didn't influence me; she was someone who helped me to learn what true Witchcraft was, which eventually led to me deciding to go Pagan myself. She unlocked me from my confusing childhood when it came to witchcraft in my life. I suddenly realized that my mother's point of view is not my perception of being Pagan. During all of this, I felt an insane amount of releasing. I finally released all my anxieties, fears, and doubts. When I was reading information earlier, I indeed was interested. My heart has been with Paganism. My heart has been with the blog. As I pieced this all together, I felt at utmost peace and joy. The weight of my bitter world has unfolded and disappeared.

I began to text my boyfriend about the whole epiphany until my body began tingling. I turned my phone lighting off and relaxed. Within a short amount of time, the basic signs of an Out of Body Experience picked up. I felt myself rapidly falling. I became startled. I intentionally used my inner voice to remind myself that it was safe and that I could fly and let go. Then, I felt myself soaring. Unfortunately, I could not fully astral project. I saw a quick vision of a distant valley far below me. With that, I felt a deep connection to the earth and then the image faded. I don't think this is as spiritual; I just had memories of feeling connected to the earth before the trance started. But, I found the trance strange because of how natural the flight came to me. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget!

I can't decide what may have produced the miniature OBE. Whatever it was, I'm glad I am feeling refreshed for this blog and for myself.

Let me guess. You've been thinking, "Stacie, get to the point already!" That is where I am headed. When it comes to how Midnight Candle is going to change, I don't mean that it will drastically change. I mean that I will be collecting a large amount of information on different Pagan traditions I haven't gotten around to writing about yet in order to help myself learn and consider new spiritual ideas. Also, I feel an urge to admit one of my flaws with you. I am a very indecisive being. So, if one day you see me claiming to be an Athiest, don't take it too seriously until I begin repeating that statement. I go back and forth between many different thoughts and feelings. I'm confusing in my wonderful ways...! Please know I am only trying to discover myself. There will be times of trial and questioning such as now.

 Something I do know for sure is this; when I went into that trance, I feel as if my soul finally soared away to some resolution and blissful peace!

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Psychology VS. Magick: Article Debate

During my long class break at college today, I came across a very intriguing article for those of you out there (like me) that may be questioning if magick's theory is true, false, or total bogus that was invented throughout the centuries. For those of you readers who highly value magick, please be aware that I am not about to attempt withering the existence of magick. I am simply writing my response to this article I came across. This article appeared on Psychology Today. It is called Magical Thinking and the rights fully belong to the author, Matthew Hutson, and the administration behind Psychology Today's website.  Please be aware that this is my homemade summary based upon the contents within the article. Enough said. If you'd like to follow along with my post and the article, here is the link before I start:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200802/magical-thinking

My Summary 

Magical Thinking is an article about how irrational beliefs may impact the believers in today's society. From everything ranging to telling children that Santa Claus is real, and of course, the concept of belief in magick, spells, and rituals, the psychological perspective on irrational magical thinking in every age group of people can either be a negative or positive quality in society. 

Magick in Paganism: My Point of View (According to the article) 

I'm not sure where to begin with this. In Wicca, for example, a very common Pagan faith that emphasizes using magick, believes that when our thoughts are released, it creates energy that can influence a desired outcome or result. While this philosophy sounds a tad bit logical, how do we know if magick actually produces the desired outcome or result in a situation? Belief may not be the answer to that question alone. While magick does require belief, how can we observe how magick functions in life? Does successful magick charge through the power or coincidence? Or, is the power of coincidence not sacred at all and is merely just a coincidence promoted by luck and chance? Most likely, no one can answer this unsettling mystery. I'm beginning to desire logical evidence that can prove the essence of magick. When I read the article, I became slightly confused over what I have been doing with the last nine years on and off of my life. I also read a different article that made it sound like the use of magick may only be the use of OCD patients to feel in control of their anxieties. I am diagnosed with OCD. I began to worry and think, "What if my love for this has been a lie?" Well, maybe my OCD did ignite an obsessive need to practice magick in order to feel control. I hardly remember practicing it consistently in times of worry or self doubt. There was a time period where I did become fixated on learning and practicing Wicca back in 2011. But, was that an indication that I shouldn't follow a spiritual path that I had been intensely eager about? No. Instead, it was just my OCD getting a bit too focused on learning. If I would have set a weekly time limit on my studies, I probably would have been better off. 

In the article, it also talks about how magical thinking may be a positive quality to have. When it comes down to our kind of magick, some psychologists claim that the desired outcome of our magick may stem directly from magick enhancing our positive thinking in order to reach the outcome. If this is the case, then magick is nothing magickal at all. In fact, it isn't considered magickal in witchcraft-related religion, because magick is a natural process in the world. If this is the question answered about how magick transforms reality, then I would believe that this claim is the best answer. To me, magick is a creative and trance-induced art that is really just a creative expression of prayer. Christians do it. We do it. There's not much of a difference. All in all, both perspectives are unique. 

The simple answer is this: the interpretation of if magick works in the way we think cannot lead us to a positive answer. Take it as you will. As for me personally, I think I'll tap into the art again to see what I truly think. 

Blessings!

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Deity Worship & My Philosophy

This evening, I will be discussing my philosophical thinking about deity worship. Due to struggling with my questioning on if I should believe in deities or not, I have taken the time and consideration to determine that the theory of deity worship is not needed by any means to be a Pagan or witch. Spirituality is a matter of the heart; religion is what lists out the "special requirements" to fit a certain faith group, better known as a certain "label".

I have been fighting myself and I have lose the battle. Like a hero trying to break free from the grasp of a dragon's claws, I have failed myself by thinking I should fit my beliefs within a certain type of Pagan faith. While I like some religious dogma from Wicca and agree with it, the idea that I should believe in a God and Goddess is too frigid for me to even contemplate anymore at this time in my life. But, as I thought about it, I had an epiphany. The God and Goddess, the male and female energies, are only metaphorical concepts to personify the mystery of the Divine so we can better relate to the mysteries of the Universe. Don't get me wrong; I am not trying to belittle any belief form. I write this in spite of sparing my own spiritual sanity! I also feel that this article could help someone else who may be thinking along a similar line as me. Now, we all know that Witchcraft and Wicca are two different routes to take. Witchcraft is a small fraction of Wicca's religion. Not all Wiccans practice witchcraft or magick, but if someone is a Witch, then they most likely are indeed practicing magick. Witchcraft is a metaphysical practice whereas Wicca is a modernized Pagan religion! In Witchcraft, the belief in deities is not needed or required. A Witch must believe in magick in order for it to cast and shine.

Being a Pagan is a bit different. From the perspective of labeling what a Pagan is, they say that Pagans should believe in and worship a multitude of Gods and Goddesses. The counteractive part of that statement is this; all Pagans can be seen as pantheistic. Pantheist means that "All is God or God is all." Pantheism strides in the sacredness of nature and Earth. Therefore, someone who desires to claim themselves as Pagan without the belief in deities could adopt the pantheist beliefs instead. This is what I could do. This is what other questioning Pagans can consider, as well!

How do you feel about this? Feel free to leave a comment and let the discussion begin!

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A Heart-Felt Note To My Followers...

Dear Readers,

I need to apologize for the long delay in my writing process. I'm sorry I haven't published anything new like I said I would. Besides giving you the typical excuses like the holidays, college, job-searching, and being with the people I care about, I will give you the ultimate truth that you deserve to hear.

I am toying with the idea of deleting Midnight Candle...deleting all its successes, fails, hopes, and goals from the Internet and my mind. I am playing with the idea of destroying all my attempts to call myself a devoted Eclectic Pagan like I have claimed I am. It is only fair if I put this news on the table. I've been contemplating how to write this depressive note. It probably isn't depressing for you, but the thought of wiping my body clean of coming in touch with Spirit is depressing for me.

I  have endured enough from this experience. For years, I have endured too much obsession, threats, tears, fights, and petty drama that I no longer would like to inhabit in my brain. You see, I am at the point where I can barely take much any longer. I have been thinking heavily about the topic of where I stand spiritually and I feel like I may not be a Pagan after all. Science has won me over. The thought of worshiping an imaginary world hidden in the sky has become dull. Unacceptable. Too imaginary. It is a product of my psyche's wishful thinking that hopes for something more. I hope to see my dog Cody again. I obsess over the idea. But, from studying topics ranging from consciousness to quantum physics and everything in between, I feel like I do not belong here anymore. From not "belonging" to the Pagan heart, I feel that it is not fair for me to sit on this chair and continue to say that I do belong to this blog. I have given you all a piece of myself that I keep hidden from the world, from those around me. But, it is a world that I've hidden that doesn't match up to my opinions anymore.

Everything feels dead. I like the lessons, values, and morals I have seen through the Pagan perspective. Currently, I am confused of what feels right. Practicing either Wicca or modern-day witchcraft spiritually feels decent, but I'm not sure if I could totally fit there 100%. Now that I have learned about the pineal gland, how scientists can provoke the Out of Body Experience, how organized religion offers blind faith, I question if I'm a believer of a Goddess and God at all. This doesn't mean I'm advising anyone to turn away from their faith; you are fortunate to have the psychological comfort of belief in something extraordinary. I long for that, but I am seeking more scientific and philosophical evidence that can support that kind of a belief for me.

I sat with my long time therapist and told her about this situation. She looked me in the eye and asked why I'm still writing the blog if I'm second guessing my beliefs. That is a good question.

I need to keep this page up for other people. A wonderful being out there emailed me, distraught and seeking advice for leaving the Broom Closet. Their situation felt close to home like mine. I almost cried. For once, I felt as if someone could look up to me for wisdom and advice. Writing this blog has helped me to express my thoughts and feelings for myself. There sounds like one last reason to keep pushing through this confusion.

I apologize for the length of this letter. I only need to find more faith in me...

Labeling Your Path = Bad Idea

I'm sure that if you have that rare shot at coming across another Pagan on the street, you ask them what Pagan tradition they follow and they'll say they are Wiccan, Druid, Shaman, or any other path name. But, I have noticed that many of us have the infamous habit to label our path with a specific name that must adhere to everything that path teaches. Is this a positive action for our spiritual evolution or not? I think it's a bad idea. Here's why:

1. Labeling can potentially lead us to becoming more close-minded about what can be out there. As they say, modern day Paganism has no dogma. That's right! We have the amazing free will to study other things and the free choice to stir one tradition with another to meet our soul's satisfaction. If we label, we may not discover other practices that exist and that can aid us on the spiritual journey. 

2. Labeling can create self-confusion in times of spiritual doubt. I am your prime example. Currently,  I am dabbling between Pantheism blended with Witchcraft or Wicca. For three years, I preferred to title myself as a 110% Wiccan. I didn't consider the other options. I am becoming very interested in science's role in spirituality and faith. Therefore, I have contemplated what I'd fit better into label wise. I have questioned the existence of Goddess. I have realized that there are unique blends of faith out there besides calling myself a Wiccan. If I would have been more open earlier, maybe I wouldn't be so mind-boggled now. And, as we grow older, it is natural for our minds to not feel satisfied with a certain title anymore. Hell, does a title even fucking matter anymore?

3. Labeling can limit our lifelong knowledge. If we become too involved in studying our labeled faith, we will indeed miss out on learning about every form of Paganism on the planet. This will also take away intelligent conversations we could have had with other people. So, crack open a new book just to gain the treasure of new knowledge.

All in all, we don't need to label our path in order to feel secure. Giving our path a name isn't a horrible idea either, but when we become slightly stubborn over that title, that is when things can start to go wrong. Let's study and learn new things!

P.S. I have a new and very interesting article on how the story of the Big Bang Theory's creation can relate to the Goddess and God creating us. It will be a post describing how I can possibly fuse some pantheistic ideas into my Wiccan perspective with some science involved. Check back for it soon!

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Samhain: Celebration Ideas

As you all know, Halloween and/or Samhain will be here in eleven days! While the children are finishing their costumes' last touches, carving creepy pumpkins, and making their last minute Trick or Treating plans, us Pagans are awaiting the ending of the spiritual year to reflect when the veil of the spirit world is at its thinnest point. Many covens and solitary practitioners already have their ritual ingredients ready to be mixed in their cauldrons. Many Pagans already memorized their chants and prayers. But, you're not alone if you haven't established how you will be celebrating Samhain this year. I am at a debate with myself as of when and where to put my ritual work to action. I am also feeling positive that our fellow Broom Closet members are highly struggling with forming Samhain plans. I'll tell you a bit about what my plan is Samhain is and I'll lend you some ideas to help you establish your sacred plans!

My Plan

Knowing that I cannot perform a formal ritual due to my living situation, I have a simple but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally charging type of ritual I'd like to perform as my spiritual year in 2014 comes to a rapid close. My recent experience with my friend Ally and her oracle card deck is highly pushing me to follow it's advice. As you all know, I have been struggling consistently with the passing of Cody back in 2013. When I pulled the "Letting Go" card from Ally's deck, it hit me that the root of my thirst to find full belief in the afterlife is from my death anxiety from Cody's death. The negative pain of losing him has sent me to a breaking point; I know I need to let go, but it is a challenge. I want to communicate with Cody about how I've been feeling. I want him to know I still love with all of my heart and that I hope I will see him again, whether that be through a second dream or when my time here on Earth comes to a close. I've decided that Samhain would be the perfect time to release my fear, to release my doubts, and to release my tears. I have focused on his death. As his little human sister, I have put his life in vain because I allow my thoughts to indirectly "celebrate" his death rather than remember his life. I want to celebrate his life. I want to find a closing point in my grief and be able to smile and laugh and think of the good times, not how those good times ended. My Samhain night will consist of having a tear-jerking letter written to Cody prepared. I will be with people I am close to and comfortable to cry (if need be) by, and I will take my letter outside and burn it until it is purely ash. I am doing this to not only release my drained mental energy, but I am doing this because I want to release my love to Cody and "talk" to him, if that makes sense. The veil will be at its thinnest point which is perfect timing to achieve some possible form of communication. My friends keep inviting me to their parties and late night graveyard walks. I have not officially decided what my social celebration of Halloween will be yet. No matter what social celebration I choose to attend, I will find time to perform my much-needed release.

Celebration Ideas! 

If you are stuck, here are some homemade ideas as to what you can do with your splendid Samhain night:

1. Celebrate your deceased loved ones. If you want a simple ritual for this, all you need is pictures of the people or pets that you want to celebrate and a white candle. Place the pictures on a table and light the candle in a safe setting. You can sit around with a bunch of traditional Halloween candy your kids bring home or with a hearty autumn supper and recall your memories with the loved ones you are celebrating.

2. Attempt to make contact with someone on the other side. This can go both ways; you can either plan a complex ritual or if you can't look unnatural, you can use some professional Broom Closet tips. You can use a pendulum, a Ouija board (for the Halloween effect; use caution if you do this), or try some meditation. You can do this with friends or family members who would be open to experiment with after-death contact.

3. Learn some Samhain songs and celebrate through music. If you don't have Halloween outings to attend, just stay in, have a glass of wine, and throw a Samhain party of one by listening to Samhain-themed songs to reflect on your spiritual year's ending. Music is always great!

4. Throw a pumpkin festival. If you are not planning on celebrating through spells or rituals, make a trip to a grocery store and get all the pumpkin types of food possible! Make pumpkin food recipes and gobble up your past year's celebration. Food is fun for everyone.

5. Skip the Pagan part of the day and trick or treat. If you're still in high school, go out with your friends. I'm not totally saying to throw away your Samhain night, but consider going out and enjoy all the free candy strangers are giving out. You can always celebrate when you get home, too!

6. Take time to reflect on your year and set up goals for what you want next year. This is a productive idea. Grab some paper and write about what went good and bad this year and ponder up some ways to improve your state of happiness later. Burn the paper and enjoy the rest of the night.

Oracle And Tarot: Tonight's Session

This post is without a doubt dedicated to my good friend, Ally, who re-introduced me to the practice of oracles and tarot cards tonight! I thought it'd be fun to share what our reading session was like with all of you lovely, wonderful, and beautiful readers out there!

Ally enthusiastically drove us out to her favorite coffee shop. When we arrived, she rushed to the counter, ordered two coffees (They were straight up espresso shots. It was great!), and showed me over to a comfy black leather couch and together we sat. I watched as she took out her brand new "House of Night" tarot cards, dedicated to the Greek Goddess of night, Nyx. My eyes were stuck on the dark theme. The pictures were wonderful and conveyed the messages well. Taking a sip of fine espresso, Ally tugged out the cards and we began. I won't be mentioning every question we asked, because that would take about an hour of your precious time.

You see, Ally was extremely close to her late grandmother until she left this world in 2011. Her grandmother's death has always taken a huge emotional toll on her, and she sometimes can sense when her grandmother is around guiding her. We were sitting there in the shop, fiddling around with the glorious pack of cards, asking a diversity of questions about our lives and analyzing them like geeks analyze their homework. She took her next round, as we called it, and she pulled out a card and nervously placed it facing downward on the coffee table in front of us. She flipped it over and I watched a stream of emotion dominate her face. The card said "Love."

"Your face, dude! What did you ask?" I eagerly asked.

"I asked my grandma if she is proud of everything I've done so far." Ally said, laughing about how she didn't want to cry in public. I had two interesting rounds. My first question was related to my death anxiety and questioning if there's an afterlife. I asked, "How can I find out if there might be an afterlife?" I shuffled the cards, chose the one that stuck out to me, and flipped it upward on the table. The image was of a beautiful waterfall with a young woman. It said, "Letting Go."

I am diagnosed with OCD, and if I get anxious about something, my mind clings to it for months on end. This happened when we found out my family's dog, Cody, was diagnosed with a few months left to live. When I heard the news, I became anxious and obsessive over if I'd ever see him again when my time comes. The card called "Letting Go" said something about me needing to let it stop clinging to me so I can find peace instead of worrying about an answer I will probably never get. My loved ones have told me to let it go in the past. I did get a bit emotional, but I found the card's answer to be amazingly accurate. The next question I asked was related to a once chaotic relationship that is now (what seems to be) a healthy friendship. Several things have gone on with that individual lately that makes me question their credibility. So, I asked, "What can I expect my relationship [with them] to be?" I shuffled the cards and my answer was "Chaos." I was instantly startled. The card warned me to find shelter within a storm that may be arriving with that said person. Ally and I laughed it off a bit as she constantly said my name should be Captain Obvious.

When we packed up and left, we got in the car and drove off to a local grocery store and picked up some soda and milk for her parents. We instantly started up another round of tarot before we said goodbye for the night. Overall, it was an interesting point of perspective I received about some things in my life. If you haven't tried tarot, I highly recommend considering it. I'm off to watch some Netflix and relax for the rest of my night. Thank you for reading and I hope to write again very soon!

An Omen To A Brighter Spirituality: Today's Latest Story

I think I experienced a first hand omen this previous afternoon. Maybe it was coincidental or a good sign from Goddess, but something miraculous, scary, and extraordinary occurred during my wandering around a nearby town. This story is worth telling!

I was visiting a vintage shop called Cracker Jax, a beautiful shop in the heart of Dekalb, Illinois' downtown area. Cracker Jax is an avid Wiccan/Pagan supply retailer. You see, DeKalb is blissfully accepting of local Pagans compared to the town I happen to live in. Occasionally, I take a drive up to experience the thrill and warmth of a "Pagan ready" civilization to feel comfort, socialize with shopkeepers and citizens, and to check out all the savvy Pagan reads that DeKalb openly sells for discounted prices. My heart was feeling drained, for I had not visited there for several months due to focusing on my studies. I went today and I realized that Cracker Jax sells pendulums. I was utterly psyched! I had been wanting to purchase a pendulum for two years. I only got to play with one, once. My boyfriend was with me, so I decided to teach him the magickal ways of pendulum work because he was curious to know what my hype was all about.

I exhaled deeply. My eyes gazed on the clear quartz pendulum. With my inner voice, I asked, "Am I really meant to be a Pagan?" I have been pondering this question for months. The pendulum clearly stated yes. I was thrown off guard for a second. I decided to let the moment go and we decided to make our way to my friend Dan's shop, Herbal Embers that was down the street.

We made small talk with Dan as his fiancee walked by, placing new products in delicate orders to enhance the shop appearance. I strolled over to the bookshelf. All of a sudden, a title stuck out to me. The light blue cover read, "The Science of the Craft: Modern Realities in the Ancient Art of Witchcraft" by William H. Keith. A feeling rushed over me. Something about this book was crucial and I needed to sit on the leather couch to investigate the mysteries that laid within the pages. I took a quick glimpse at the Table of Contents. Titles such as, "Swimming the Quantum Seas", "Something From Nothing", and more science-related titles were on the page. I started reading bits and pieces of Keith's introduction. Immediately, I was startled; I was very startled in an incredible, fantastic way.

After enduring a growing spiritual path of many trials and errors, I had been digging deep within mysef to figure out if I felt I truly held Wiccan beliefs. My mind was boggled over the concept of magick. Could that be real? Is this a cult thirsty stereotypical theory out there that exists? Is "magick" a secretive reference to the "Hollywood magic" in movies? Also, persistent prolonged grief over losing my first childhood dog, Cody, had paralyzed me since he passed away in February of 2013. A huge rush of death anxiety took over me. This death anxiety has resurfaced greatly and has haunted me for many nights. I've been feeling like it is purely impossible for an afterlife to exist, yet alone for the probability that a Divine Source could exist. This started making me question myself heavily. Am I really a Pagan, or am I so in love with the label that I'm denying my own truth to protect my real feelings? I've looked at Quantum Physics and the Consciousness Theory to try to find solace and a more rational perspective on spiritual faith. This splendid book discusses how modern day science coexists with modern day Wicca or Witchcraft, something my heart, mind, and spirit has thirsted for so long to find. I feel that maybe the pendulum told me I am meant to be a Pagan and that I still am a Pagan at heart. I feel that the pendulum was also telling me that a new path of self discovery in my Eclectic tradition would be nearing the corner (literally!). And so, Eddie willingly purchased the book. It has everything I need that may give me that rational and scientific approach to my faith. I'm growing into a follower of Science and Spirituality, and this is what I need to heal and grow in spirit. I cannot wait to start analyzing the text.

Omens do appear.

Keep Your Books Out Of Christian Homes: My Story

I have a twisted piece of advice for all you this fine morning...!

Don't use Ouija boards...or purchase related books and store them in your Christian home. 

I made a very stupid mistake one year ago that I just learned about yesterday. It was a tear-jerking experience, yet somehow I held myself together (mostly). 

Around last November, I was reading a book based on several different theories of the accuracy of Ouija boards. I did make two boards or so around that time and used them to exercise my skeptic perspective on them with a dear friend. The boards themselves weren't a big issue; I went the dishonest route for a period of time and hid them in my basement out of fear to know what my Catholic mother would think of me, but later I decided to stop hiding it and tossed them out and moved on with my life. This isn't the point. 

I was going through some family issues at that time. Out of frustration, I went to live with a friend for a little bit, and I so happened to leave my Pagan, Wiccan, and occult books at my house because I felt I could trust my family to not toss my belongings in case I'd need the rest. My twin sister is also Christian like the rest of my family. She didn't (or doesn't) like the fact I'm Pagan, yet she'd still respect my beliefs as much as I'd respect her beliefs. During the time I wasn't living at home, she started to feel uncomfortable with my Ouija board theory book being in the house. She told her boyfriend about it and they created a plan to remove that specific book from me behind my back, thinking I wasn't going to return home anytime soon. My sister snatched my book out of my old bedroom and brought it to our mother and told her she'd be tossing the book without me knowing. Apparently, our mom agreed to it without mentioning anything about how I'd feel if I found out. My sister and her boyfriend took it outside and burnt it. I came home a week later and never realized it went missing. Today was a different story. I was spending time with my boyfriend, my best friend, and my sister at my boyfriend's house. We got into the conversation about playing Ouija, and that was when my sister admitted what she did behind my back. At first, I laughed, trying to brush it off, but then I thought, "My own sister stole my property and destroyed it!" I purchased the book with my money. My anger came out and I told her I was hurt that she would do something like that to me. Of course, she tried to clear her name by saying "It's in the past!" and, "You said you didn't use it much anymore!" but ultimately I was still hurt. I shed a few tears in the backseat of her car by our friends. My anger approached my mother. I decided to stand my ground and confront her about the scenario through a text message since we were far gone from my house. My mom claimed that she did know my sister actually went through with that and didn't know she meant that she would burn it. My mom owned up to it a tiny bit, apologized, and said my sister should have talked with me instead. My sister admitted that also. But, after I let cuss words pile on my lips, I began to reflect on the situation. Now I know that maybe keeping my Pagan related books in my Christian home is not the best idea anymore for the sake of my sanity! For the record, I made it clear with my sister that my trust for her has gone down and that there will be consequences if she does something similar to me again. 

Lesson of the Day: If you live in a Christian home and you want to own Pagan, occult, or metaphysical books, keep them somewhere that isn't in your home to show more respect for your family's beliefs AND to prevent your precious books from being burned! 

Karma's a bitch.