Thursday, December 11, 2014

A Soaring Soul: My Story

Blessings to you all!

All I can say is...wow. Wow, wow, and wow again. As you see in the title, the time has come for some subtle changes I need to build up my spiritual path. Something very unexpected happened last night and I feel incredibly obligated to explain the experience, what I learned from it, and what it means for the near future of Midnight Candle.

As you are all well aware, I'm going through bucket loads of self doubt and anxiety when it comes to involving some Wiccan concepts on my spiritual journey. I am questioning if I believe in any deities at all, if magick exists, and practically if I should just "convert" to Athiesm from Paganism. Science has convinced me that it entirely disproves every spiritual idea, philosophy, and hell, even some quantum science theories!

Last night, I searched up some basic information on Druidism and Shamanism. As I read, I sensed that my interest in Pagan religion has been indeed genuine. I'll explain that part later. After reading, I laid myself down to sleep, but I began to deeply ponder.

For those people that can't practice where they live, outside Pagans will advise them to respect their roommate's wishes and not practice in the home. Instead, the outside Pagans tell the spiritually trapped Pagan to continue to learn and grow until they can practice in a place of their own. I realized that I shouldn't be paranoid about what I believe in during the present moment. I realized that it shouldn't matter if I am struggling with deity worship. I realized that I shouldn't automatically think one friend from my past influenced me into Paganism. I realized that my mom thinking Paganism is my hobby should no longer matter. I suddenly realized that it's okay if I'm questioning some aspects of my current path. I suddenly realized that that friend didn't influence me; she was someone who helped me to learn what true Witchcraft was, which eventually led to me deciding to go Pagan myself. She unlocked me from my confusing childhood when it came to witchcraft in my life. I suddenly realized that my mother's point of view is not my perception of being Pagan. During all of this, I felt an insane amount of releasing. I finally released all my anxieties, fears, and doubts. When I was reading information earlier, I indeed was interested. My heart has been with Paganism. My heart has been with the blog. As I pieced this all together, I felt at utmost peace and joy. The weight of my bitter world has unfolded and disappeared.

I began to text my boyfriend about the whole epiphany until my body began tingling. I turned my phone lighting off and relaxed. Within a short amount of time, the basic signs of an Out of Body Experience picked up. I felt myself rapidly falling. I became startled. I intentionally used my inner voice to remind myself that it was safe and that I could fly and let go. Then, I felt myself soaring. Unfortunately, I could not fully astral project. I saw a quick vision of a distant valley far below me. With that, I felt a deep connection to the earth and then the image faded. I don't think this is as spiritual; I just had memories of feeling connected to the earth before the trance started. But, I found the trance strange because of how natural the flight came to me. It was an amazing experience that I will never forget!

I can't decide what may have produced the miniature OBE. Whatever it was, I'm glad I am feeling refreshed for this blog and for myself.

Let me guess. You've been thinking, "Stacie, get to the point already!" That is where I am headed. When it comes to how Midnight Candle is going to change, I don't mean that it will drastically change. I mean that I will be collecting a large amount of information on different Pagan traditions I haven't gotten around to writing about yet in order to help myself learn and consider new spiritual ideas. Also, I feel an urge to admit one of my flaws with you. I am a very indecisive being. So, if one day you see me claiming to be an Athiest, don't take it too seriously until I begin repeating that statement. I go back and forth between many different thoughts and feelings. I'm confusing in my wonderful ways...! Please know I am only trying to discover myself. There will be times of trial and questioning such as now.

 Something I do know for sure is this; when I went into that trance, I feel as if my soul finally soared away to some resolution and blissful peace!

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