Maiden vs. Crone in American Society: Confessional Pt.1

It is time to begin revealing this secret...please bear with me during this process. I promise you that these revelations can alter your own magickal life, once I get to the bottom of it all.

So...let's be real here. My journey "home" to Paganism may have been symbolized to me in dreams as a child, but the day my magickal journey TRULY began was on April 29, 2015, when I so happened to come across an interesting profile on SpellsofMagic.com. Basically, I began exchanging messages with another member of the Craft online (big surprise in this day and age, right?). While I wasn't expecting much, this person and I found that we had many views of witchcraft, magick, and our practices in common. From loving alternative lifestyles and our mutual distaste in limiting yourself to following only one Pagan tradition, we began learning about each other swiftly and naturally. We both embraced Native American spirituality and were keen on Gothic culture. After several days of non-stop communication, we "graduated" up to the next level by taking our conversation off site.

And when I saw his face for the first time, my heart practically plopped out of my chest in fear.

The delicate lines that stretched across his forehead warned me that I was leading myself astray by involving myself with this man. I was a young woman, keeping up with fast-paced college life while trying to keep myself afloat working part time in retail until graduation came around. Soon enough, I learned he was very much so "established"...a full blown resume of 23 years of work within the construction industry, three sons that are several years older than me, and the fact he was scattered through his own emptiness from the aftermath of a fatal divorce several years prior. Soon enough, he confessed his age. Craig was thirty years my senior! I glanced at his profile picture one more time, and asked myself, "He's much older. This can only lead to no good."

Of course, my mind was hungry for knowledge, my heart thirsty to learn more wisdom about my spiritual path. The opportunity never arose for me to find a spiritually-experienced mentor. Craig seemed willing, almost eager to teach me something new. And so I sat with it, my phone constantly being blown up with enthusiastic messages. And somehow, in my mind I knew what I was getting myself into could be considered "wrong", but my inner voice kept begging me to keep engaging with this person. Having been raised in a conservatively Christian household where my "old-fashioned" parents frowned down upon Internet friendships, I sealed myself away in quiet contemplation of this newfound friendship I was dragging myself into. And so it began...and went on....and continued on. There was never a day I was spiritually "alone" anymore. He took me under his wing and instructed me on how to master using my first Oracle deck. At first, it felt like nothing. I was practically learning a new witchy "trade", if you will. These casual lessons stretched into long nights of widened eyes as I began to have more accurate readings on my own. Strangely, his card readings seemed to intertwine with mine, all too well. We began asking our decks questions about our friendship and the results were eerie each time, on both ends. After several weeks of us exchanging card readings and knowledge, we took it a step further. I learned something interesting.

He lives in Australia. I am in America. Only after one month of talking, we became inseparable. It was on our "one month anniversary" of talking that we decided it was time to test something out. Both of us being curious about our card readings matching up so well, we decided to attempt participating in a ritual together, 10,000 miles apart, through Skype. I must admit, I was the one who discussed the possibility of such a ritual even working. We were both aware that we could attempt it, but I feel as if we both became healthy skeptics. For that initial ritual, we planned it would simply be a "sending" ritual to "blend" or "merge" our energy together to begin casting spells together in a magickal union, as two witches working towards similar spiritual goals.

It was on this day that we would eventually discover the blissful magick that the Maiden and the Crone (or, better yet, let's call him Mage) can achieve together when working in sync and spiritual rhythm. Allow the Maiden and the Mage to come together to share this story with you all, for better or for worse...

My Confessional: I've Been Keeping A Secret...

Hello and blessings, everyone...

This is going to be a lengthy update post. Once again, life slapped me in the face. I'm not going to list out all the reasons for why I've been on a hiatus yet again, but I will also not be able to promise that I'll return to regular postings yet due to the fact I have been under a heavily tense situation for the last seven or so weeks of my life. I've been forced to truly reflect and focus on myself, my goals, and what my seemingly uncertain future holds personally and as a writer. Surely soon enough, you will understand my major reason for this absence.

I have been silently lying to all that may come across my content.

I have a secret. A huge secret in regards to my Pagan practices that I have been yearning to expose on this blog for quite some time. Due to personal circumstances, I could not dare to risk publishing it out to the world to see and bear. It is at this time I have decided that it is time to be honest with any readers I may still gain, or to anyone that stumbles across my work that finds an interest in exploring my posts. I have lied to you all, silently and reluctantly. As I now begin to finally embrace my spiritual self wholeheartedly, I am desperately eager to make this transition with my content. This blog has been tainted, twisted from the ultimate truths of my own spiritual life that may help or encourage others. Guilt strikes me. I only buried it away to protect myself, both physically and emotionally from struggles. But the struggles became a reality, and the lying has ceased to exist...to my family, my friends, and everyone I associate with within the Pagan community and outside of it.

I will have to make a mini "Confessionals" series of posts to update you on the entire story. It is too long to squeeze into one post. While I slowly begin to work on writing these posts out, I will be throwing in unrelated content. I have gained much more knowledge since my last post. I think taking some time away overall will help you all due to the wisdom I've gained. I will also be working on establishing myself more in the Pagan community, online and offline.

Be prepared for a wild ride. I will try to upload the Confessionals on a consistent basis. Also, I will be putting this website under further construction to improve your visit here. As for the unrelated posts, these are some topics you can expect to appear here in the next week or so. I will be uploading content regularly within the next week for sure. Here are the topics as follows:

1) Introducing my Christian friend into the world of witchcraft: how that went, how you can educate your Christian loved ones, and so forth.

2) Creating Flying Ointment.

3) Making a Medicine Bag, spell/ritual writing tips, surviving your Year And A Day experience, etc.)

4) My Samhain ritual and how to improve your Sabbat rituals. 

Until then, please take care and I promise you that when the Confessionals are finally published, there WILL be a Midnight Candle Youtube channel I plan on starting to make this content more accessible for those of you that don't have much time to read posts. The YouTube channel will be a project I'll be slowly gravitating towards in the next six months, but I'll leave updates when I can about it's progress.

I'm Back And Better Than Ever! An Update And A Return Message!

Hello, my dear readers and followers!

I am very excited to announce that I have made the decision to return to writing Midnight Candle. There has been a void in my heart without it. I know I last posted many months ago, but I hope some of you will at least will return and maybe some new folks will join us, too. I think I left due to needing to expand my own personal spirituality before I could feel obligated to write more. And yes, this I have achieved.

There's a new twist to my spiritual story. I am now practicing as a Shamanic Witch, and indeed, I have found my first in-person group to celebrate, learn from, and explore with. My group meets in my local Pagan store (that will be in another post) and we all come together for drum circles once a month under the enchanted light of the full moon. There is nothing like the serenity that comes to my spirit when we pass our burning sage around. It's almost as if the serenity is an ingredient in such a peace-giving plant. I am extremely happy to be a part of a very small, yet loyal spiritual group. Our group is still in dire need to extend its members, but anyone is always welcome as they should be.

During the several months I was gone, I took it upon myself to continue using my Oracle cards. I picked up on learning more about herbalism. Finally, I've started to make loose leaf tea blends to accompany my growth. I have fallen in love with Mugwort's profound ability to enhance my dreams. That I can explain more in detail later! Spiritually speaking, I've evolved. With that evolving process, I have the capability to bring you more interesting content, inspiration, and things to learn. I hope you can join me in this spiritual evolution and use my fuel as inspiration to evolve your own practices and beliefs.

Also, I have evolved emotionally and academically. I've been struggling with depression and OCD. That may have interfered with my writing of this blog. I've been back on antidepressants for several months and am feeling able to do things again. I also enrolled in my college's massage therapy program. I hope to use my passion for spirituality to incorporate into my future massage practice. When school comes around, life will get hectic again, but this time I feel I can persevere. This is just a brief update. I don't want to keep you long. To all my old and new followers, here is a big thank you. I've seen that this blog STILL gets pageviews on a weekly basis. Thank you, thank you, and thank you! :) I couldn't have been more blessed for that. I will be back with some interesting content!