I took time off to truly ponder what this spiritual journey will hold in store for me if I do go out of my way to pursue a new path.
Several people have asked me if I've made any new posts. I feel sorry that I ran off, but I think I really just needed a break of obsessing over if my faith is true. I also feel that I definitely needed to cut the chains and let myself soar from the self guilt and pressure of meeting my audience's desire for me to write consistently. Being a college student, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a cousin, a niece, a guinea pig mother, a struggling writer, and a Pagan in questioning all at once is a hectic load to carry. We all carry this load of different roles we must commit to playing as. My mind was stuck in the role of being a Pagan in questioning at the time. It was straining my relationship with Eddie, the site's page designer and my boyfriend of eleven months. I realized that I couldn't allow myself to drown in the depression of questioning a deeper part of my being. I needed to start focusing more on the people and education in my life. So, I gave the pressure of being an amateur blogger up for quite a few weeks in hope to find some peace within myself. For the past few days now, I have felt an obligation to return. Here I am.
I'm sure I have made myself look like a fool to you all that are so kind and dear to come back to my blog. The amount of views I have received have startled me in a way. It means that 4,180 people in this world have seen my inner thoughts, feelings, and experiences since June of 2014. But, the conceiving of this blog isn't just entirely for me. The new route I plan to take my writing will hopefully spark the thinking process in others out there that are questioning if being a Pagan is right for them. Maybe this blog will help the parents of a newly-confessed Pagan teenager to understand that it is indeed going to be okay if their child worships multiple gods. Whatever may come next on this page, I hope that whoever is reading this right now has gained or learned something. This is my mission; to educate and help others to heal and accept that this path may be a part of who they are. If my blog hasn't done this for anyone, please tell me so I can remove it. Writing this for the benefit of no result would be a shame I'd carry on myself.
Now that I have an opened mind, I will begin to start reading more about other Pagan and witchcraft traditions to share with you. But, you may remember that there were many times where I'd speak vaguely of there being a traumatic reasoning for why I've struggled with Paganism so much. I need someone to hear me.
It has been kept confidential by me to protect the perpetrator. But, why should I conceal his actions when maybe someone is going through a similar problem with someone else? My story may be of good advice to someone else, maybe even you. After deep thought, I have made a decision.
I am going to release my story to you all. It will help you to understand my thinking and writing about it can help me to better understand myself in this spiritual situation. If you'd like to see this story, come back to the next post once I publish it. Expect that to be sometime in the next few days.
In regards to my last post, I've changed my mind. I will make a new post once a week in order to balance out my focus for my college work.
Once again, I am sorry for disappearing selfishly. I just needed a recovery process from the pressure the blog put on me as a writer.
P.S. I will be creating a Midnight Candle Google+ Community page if anyone is interested. I do apologize wholeheartedly that my blog runs through Google--it just happened to be this way--but I have made a Facebook group for non-Google users that are interested. Also, expect the page design to look and maybe function different soon. The design is boring my eyes! Thank you for reading!